BULLY FOR YOU : THE PRITI PATEL BULLYING SCANDAL HAS BRIEFLY KNOCKED COVID-19 AVOIDABLE DEATH TOLLS OFF THE TOP OF THE NEWS CYCLE, which is nice.
The topping of the charts comes as a result of the long suppressed official inquiry into her behaviour being published.
“It’s a bloody shame it was printed on waterproof paper,” a Downing Street insider told LCD Views, “Boris spent ages attempting to water it down but nothing worked. Not water, or later, when he was properly hammered, not Bordeaux. Then he had to give it up and go for lunch and some bloody fool published it.”
But it’s not bad news for Ms Patel, even though she’s found to have broken the Code of Conduct for Ministers.
She is receiving broad support from her colleagues, as Tory MPs engage in a craven, synchronised swim across social media. They’ve got her back, presumably so she doesn’t go behind theirs and give them wedgies.
One even revealed the depth of generosity of Ms Patel cut deep.
“Priti Patel has given me a total of five kidneys already. I can’t see how she could be a bully!”* One MP tweeted, presumably to separate themselves from the adoring crowd.
It has been noted though that no one who has worked under Ms Patel has expressed surprise at the charges proven against her.
“Some would think we don’t understand how bullies operate. But that’s nonsense, we’re all bullies. We know very well that you are polite to people who you judge to have equal or greater power than yourself, and you take that screaming inside out on anyone weaker. Not exactly a shock that so many people have only seen her sweet side. It’s a good thing the people she’s bullied are too nervous to speak out! Ha! Nerds.”
And to further secure Ms Patel’s validity in her post the source added,
“If the general public won’t punish us at the ballot box when we refuse to clean house, you can hardly expect us to have standards. Just look at who we made prime minister. You’ve only yourselves to blame. Now stick your head in the toilet and flush it. The sound you’ll hear swirling around as the bowl empties is the life blood of your democracy.”
*It is unclear where the five kidneys came from.