NATIONAL EFFORT : THE BRITISH AEROSPACE sector has received a welcome boost with the announcement of a plan that will see billions invested and fast.
The industry was suffering the jitters as a result of Brexit, but with homegrown guts and can do it will all be alright.
“We’re going to relaunch Boris Johnson,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views, “what with Dom now gone, kinda, we believe it’s time for Mr Johnson to reset and lift off as the people’s prime minister.”
Although it’s not clear if Mr Johnson’s infectious popularity wouldn’t have just bounced back off its own bat, the new team advising the saggy old chap have decided to make sure.
“We’ve been focus grouping all weekend to find out what’s the best way to relaunch Mr Johnson and we’re actioning the most popular suggestion.”
This suggestion appears to be “launch him into the face of the Sun”.
“Drop him into the sea” was also popular, alongside of “ritual sacrifice in a volcano to end the pandemic”.
“We don’t have any active volcanoes in the UK currently, so while it would make great theatre to use some sort of tripwire device to deliver the PM into the inferno, it’s not a goer. But the Sun is right there just asking for it.”
And there’s no concern that the alleged exit of the Vote Leave gang will see the team bereft of a slogan.
“Check. Change. GO!” the aide grins, “that’s perfectly suitable for strapping the bloated old ram into a rocket powered ejector seat and launching him from College Green.”