SWIMMING IN TREASON : INTERNATIONAL MAN OF THE SEA JOHN REDWOOD, ALSO APPARENTLY AN MP AND NOT JUST AN APPARITION, HAS FIRED A SHOT OVER THE BOWS OF THE TRAITOROUS AND FISHY JOHN MAJOR.
The reason for the furore appears to be the former prime minister’s nearly treasonous view of the powers of the mighty British state, as concerns fish.
“I advise Mr Major to read the Magna Carta,” Redwood is believed to have tweeted, while he was warming up to write (in running writing) to Mr Major, “in particular Clause 7.1b-34 part 3, which specifically details how any fish in British waters belong to Britain in perpetuity.”
The apparent lack of understanding of the founding text of British suffrage by Mr Major may well explain his failure to grasp the extent of contemporary power of Brexit Britain.
“One has to wonder what an Englishman is for,” Mr Redwood is understood to have began his actual letter to John Major, “if it is not about vigorously controlling fish. Be they cod, plaice, sole or halibut.”
The letter is reckoned to go on for several pages before reaching its tumescent climax.
“I have no other recourse but to accuse you of not wanting to control British fish. I expect you to present yourself at a re-education camp forthwith, with toothbrush and jimjams, and prepare for a lengthy stay. I also demote you from John Major to John Corporal, so others may learn from your grievous error.”
Mr Redwood then went on to write a letter of warning to President Elect Joe Biden. And there had never been a greater waste of paper.