CLENCH AND DON’T RELEASE : BORIS JOHNSON’S INTERESTS IN THE BUMS OF YOUNGER LADIES IS MORE USUALLY THE SUBJECT OF DISCUSSION ACROSS MAJOR NEWS NETWORKS, THEN MR JOHNSON’S BUTT HIMSELF. BUT EVENTS IN AMERICA HAVE CHANGED ALL THAT.
Shortly after lunch time Friday a major disturbance was recorded in central London.
“The windows shook. The dogs hid. The cats looked offended. At first it was assumed that someone was letting off fireworks, but then light dawned,” a 10 Downing Street staffer told LCD Views, “it was Boris Johnson’s bum squeak.”
The squeak, recorded on richter scales across the UK, is thought to be “world beating” and potentially the largest English based bum squeak since the Suez Crisis of the mid 1950’s.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s aftershocks,” the staffer continued, “most of the Johnson government’s plans are prefaced on the assumption that Donald Trump would retain power in America and the trans-Atlantic neo-feudalist, kleptocratic syndicate continue on its merry way reshaping the English speaking nations of the Northern Hemisphere into a golden age not enjoyed since the early 14th century, in terms of inherited privilege. But Biden/Harris winning changes all that. Biden/Harris don’t like Boris.”
Why they don’t like Boris Johnson and his mega mind Dominic Cummings is a matter of mystery.
“If you’ve had your head in a bucket.”
If you’ve had your head in a bucket.
“I’d say it would be a good idea to move fragile items off tables and secure your windows and mirrors,” the staffer adds, “anytime today Boris Johnson’s tech trainer, Arcuri, her twitter timeline and all the batshit crazy stuff on it related to the US election is going to break into the UK press. Along with some rather more substantial British-American dalliances, as the machinery of US government and law enforcement begins its realignment.”