Tory MP crushed to death under giant poppy

VIRTUE SIGNALLED : Disturbing reports this morning that a Conservative MP has been killed by his symbolic, floral display.

The incident is believed to have occurred during the debate on whether or not to feed starving children over Christmas.

“Clearly the right decision was taken by the patriotic government to let poor children starve,” Tory Peer Lord Flagshagger of Flagshag on Shag told LCD Views, “otherwise what did those men die on those beaches for? How will underfed children motivate themselves to be inheritance millionaires when they grow up, if they aren’t unnecessarily hungry as mites? Really sharpens the mind.”

But what about the deceased MP?

“Oh, he was just lobby fodder doing what he was told. He won’t be missed. I doubt he’ll be remembered. Crushed under the weight of his patriotism. An excellent way to go.”

That doesn’t sound very compassionate.

“He’s a noble sacrifice for the cause. And seriously, if you’re wearing a poppy so big no one can see you’ve slipped and are slowly being asphyxiated under it? Well, there’s no greater way to remember our fallen then to join them while blatantly virtue signalling.”

Do you think the episode opens up a debate on how we remember the conflicts of the past, in the present day, and whether or not we’re losing nuance and context, and perhaps increasing the possibility of repeating the mistakes which led to great global conflicts by steeping our national culture too deeply in nationalism and exceptionalism, when you consider that those who make the most obvious displays are also often the ones who push nationalism, so the association is developed and it’s not healthy, and the whole culture of remembrance, in the political sphere, becomes devoid of the realities of the human experience in times of war?

“What? You lost me at ‘do you think’.”

Would you like me to repeat the question?

“No. The bloody oysters are off. I’ve just seen the email from the House of Commons restaurant.”

What are you going to do?

“I guess I’ll have the salmon mousse.”

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