LET THEM EAT HUMBUG: Ebenezer Scrooge, the infamous fictional miser, is the new Minister for Feeding Poor Children. Free school meals will not be extended to cover the Christmas holidays. The depths this Dickensian government is willing to plumb just get deeper and deeper.
It would have been a popular move to provide meals for the poorest children in society. It would have been cheaper than a bogus PPE contract, or even protecting the Manchester economy. But no. Presumably because it’s socialism.
The excuses given were as creative as the decision was mean. Feeding the poor is nationalisation, for example. Work that one out. Also, the last Labour government didn’t do it. Which can only mean that the tail of Tony Blair is wagging Boris Johnson’s dog.
It’s Dilyn we feel sorry for, as well as the starving children.
We all know how this one will play out. Scrooge will be visited by the ghost of Bob Marley, whose music he will detest. Then an unholy trinity of time travelling spirits, possibly in a blue box, who will show him the error of his ways. The conclusion will be awarding Marcus Rashford MBE (Make Britain Eat) with another gong.
With Boris Johnson as his boss, though, the contract for delivering world beating Christmas dinners will be awarded to Serco. The £12bn contract will be fulfilled, with the first Christmas dinners to be delivered, promptly, in April.
The dinners will be oven ready, of course. They will consist of a few over-boiled sprouts, a small roast potato, and a sliver of chlorinated turkey. Each will include a rather uplifting homily by Jacob Rees-Mogg.
Rashford will be promoted to Ambassador from the People’s Republic of Manchester to Whatever’s Left of the UK. Scrooge will repent at leisure, comforted by a massive payoff.
And the children? Let them eat Sovereignty.