I AM NOT A FISH OF BRITAIN I AM A FISH OF THE WORLD : A British fish has been to court today in London to take out a restraining order against a Conservative MP.
While there is a ban on press coverage of the identity of the MP, we can wildly speculate that it is the old broken record himself, John Redwood. Although there are many it could be, clearly.
We offer our sincerest apologies right now if it was actually Andrew Bridgen or MIA man of the moment, Mark Francois.
However, the speculation that the MP is Redwood is based on an analysis of his Twitter feed. This reveals he has tweeted about controlling British fish no less than 300,034,974,00 times in the last hour alone.
Andrew Bridgen has been mostly spending his time screaming “Remoaner” at reality, and wiping the baby food off his chin.
Whereas Mark Francois is busy fuelling speculation that he is at the centre of a ghastly police case, but still keeps the whip, because Conservatives are still the party of family values.
The fish itself has been moved to take action in an attempt to free itself from what it calls “coercive control by deluded English nationalists, who fetishize me because of the national myths centred on a maritime past. They can’t rule the waves anymore, partially because Tory governments keep cutting back the Navy and selling off rights to our territorial waters, so in order to deny that reality and take responsibility they obsess over me. And I for one am fed up with it. I see no borders. I am a fish.”
The restraining order will give the fish time to seek whatever help is required. And it had one more statement for the press from the steps of the court.
“I am not an Englishman or a British fish, but a fish of the world.”