WHAT’S 16,000 MISSING COVID TESTS BETWEEN FRIENDS : Happy days inside megacorp Serco today with the rumour that the bigwigs will be receiving a record bonus payment for their service to the country.
“In our time of need they were there,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “we only have until Brexit really bites to clear out the public coffers, and our friends in private enterprise have stepped up to the plate.”
The (make believe) decision to award the multi-national for its work will utilise the successful strategy employed so far.
“We’ll call it an NHS Bonus Payment,” the source reveals, “as misuse of such a loved national brand gives us political cover, while also eroding public trust in the brand. Neat little one two.”
What the executives receiving the bonus will do with the money isn’t yet clear. It must be difficult finding places to stash it all now.
“I would advise them to set up a firm that specialises in PPE. Put five quid on the books and get ready to be gifted a multi-million pound contract by ministerial decree. It’s nice work if you can get it!”
Experts working in public health are also keen to stress the fantastic job being done by jockey Harding and the Serco team.
“Can you imagine if those missing test results were made available in a timely fashion? It would have ruined many people’s weekend plans,” the source grinned, “but that didn’t happen. People were free to see granny and say ‘Oh, it’s just a normal cold. Otherwise they would have told me.'”
What’s 16,000 missing, positive CV-19 test results between friends?
A hell of a lot of Covid, and potentially one or two missing friends, permanently.
Disaster capitalism. It’s coming for you.