WORLD BEATING : THE UN SECURITY COUNCIL agreed overnight a plan to invade the United Kingdom.
The emergency meeting was convened initially just to laugh at memes regarding the state of the place, but soon got onto meatier subjects.
“It was the border in Kent that tipped the scales,” the French representative said, “we honestly do not want Kent to be the Garden of France. Oh my God. We just got rid of Nigel Farage and now Downing Street expects us to govern Thanet? You must be insane.”
The plan to invade, at the earliest possible moment, is said to involve an international coalition of the willing.
“Why people are willing to help out after the way you lot have carried on is a little beyond me,” the USA’s representative said, paused, looked in the mirror, and then added, “on second thoughts invading and imposing a border between Boris Johnson and that completely self-deluded headcase of fiscal and ideological incompetence, Dominic Cummings, will be good practice for when we have to separate Donald Trump from our Supreme Court come November. We’re all in!”
The tangible benefits of the new border should be apparent relatively quickly, especially in the area of the viral pandemic.
“No more herd immunity,” the Japanese representative said with a tired sigh, “we want our staff safe as they pack up our investments there and ready them to move across the channel to sanity.”
The United Kingdom itself wasn’t at the special meeting, as it wasn’t invited, but speculation is rife that it would have agreed to the plan to impose the border, had it been there. Just because its executive clearly no longer has the faintest idea what it is doing.