HIT THE ROAD MATT : HEALTHY REGIME FUNCTIONARY MATT HANCOCK has moved to shore up his popularity with the travel industry today by making the right change, at the right time, to the Covid-19 testing service.
“The news today is full of tiresome reports of people requesting a Covid-19 test being advised they’ll have to travel the length and breadth of the United Kingdom in order to get one,” Matt told somebody, we suppose, we don’t know who listens to what he has to say, “well I can tell you today that the men who died on those beaches did it so you could see those beaches. Travelling hundreds of miles for a test is the patriotic thing to do.”
Whether it’s wise to be suggesting people, who may potentially be carrying a life threatening, communicable virus, to travel hundreds of miles to different areas of the UK, in order to find out if they have the disease after they get back, is still up for debate.
“But not for Matt,” Matt Hancock told the screaming void that travels with him, absorbing more and more light, becoming so dense that Hancock will soon be his own gravity well, “Matt is sure the men that died on those beaches did it so Matt could support the travel industry during a viral pandemic.”
And that seems to be the key to his actions this week.
“This is why we have moved the Covid-19 booking service onto Expedia. It’s not because we’ve designed a daft system in order to encourage people to hand over all their personal data to a US credit rating service instead.”
Never let it be said.
“And best of all, now when you travel for a Covid-19 test your journey will be ATOS protected!”