GREAT ORIFICES OF STATE : DOWNING STREET is not holding its punches today as critics slam the beleaguered world class administration’s reaction to the Covid-19 crisis.
“Mountain in a teacup really,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “not Covid clearly, that’s a bloody crisis. It put the Prime Minister in intensive care! Stay ALERT. Do not go back to an office if you don’t have to. We’re not!”
Good advice. But this Matt Hancock stockpile? It is related to the Covid-19 crisis. It’s intimately involved with it.
“Biblically intimate?”
Yes.
“Cripes!”
So how do you respond to critics who say one Matt Hancock is one too many? And spending £352m on a stockpile of them is insanity at best, potentially egregious waste of precious resources at second best?
“Sorry. But let me continue on my first point. Do not shake hands with anyone in government! They’re bloody useless at following simple instructions. Mind you, most of their hands are so stained no amount of scrubbing will do it.”
The Matt Hancock stockpile?
“Storm on a molehill.”
Thank you for your time.
“Shake hands on it?”
Get off it!
“Well, shaking hands on it was good enough for the peanut seller in Narnia that sold us all the Matt Hancocks!”
But in spite of the government’s relaxed attitude to the billions wasted (by itself) during the pandemic, unpatriotic critics are continuing to wonder if the novel virus is the latest old fashioned cash in and cash out corruption crisis?
Just how much would you spend on one Matt Hancock? Let alone a pile of them?