WHATEVER IT TAKES : THE JOHNSON GOVERNMENT IS FAMOUS FOR ITS COMMITMENT TO US PRIVATE HEALTHCARE INTERESTS, BUT THERE’S ALSO A DOMESTIC FOCUS TO HEALTH POLICY.
“Clearly now that US moneymen have identified that the greatest asset store in the UK is in the home ownership of the over 50’s we have to do everything we can to get those assets liquid,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “but that doesn’t mean we are going to cynically ignore our domestic audience.”
And an audience is exactly what the latest pay rise for nurses is aimed to please.
“We all know that nurses do their job out of a love of helping humanity. A baffling concept. But there you have it. Many people seem to have a strange affection for nurses, and especially NHS nurses. We’re throwing them a bone.”
And the bone isn’t something as pointless as a pay rise or the permanent scrapping of NHS parking charges. It’s something much more mystical.
“Spitfire displays. Day in and day out. The iconic WW2 aircraft, which currently has the power of a religious artefact, thanks to our promotional efforts, will be on show for nurses up and down the UK from paycheque to paycheque.”
To make the endless recollection of a global conflict that ended 75 years ago, constantly recycled by government as part of their PR and spin campaigns (to convince Global Britons they’re the chosen ones) into legal tender is of course a masterstroke.
“A nurse will be able to pay their rent now with the Spitfire displays. All they have to do is show a news clipping of the latest displays to their landlord. If their landlord is also a nurse than they have to accept the Spitfire displays as payment.”
It’s genius. And so much better than cold hard cash which is much better spent employing Dido Harding in ceremonial roles.
“When you add in all the clapping, it won’t be long before a nurse enters the UK rich list alongside certain MPs.”