SHUSH NOW DON’T SAY A WORD : THE UK has a great way of keeping secrets, especially secrets of the wealthy who may not want their misdeeds widely known in the public domain. And now the Johnson government is about to level that up.
“We need all the teachers back at school,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “and because we’ve been running pandemic management like the biggest democratic lottery on Earth, ie all our mates are landing windfalls, combined with a PR crisis, you can be sure that going back to school will descend into crisis.”
Is that the levelling up?
“No, don’t be silly. The levelling up will be the wide distribution of super injunction and NDA ownership. By own our estimations fully one million UK teachers, support staff and children could be the proud owners of a Baby Super Injunction by Christmas.”
Why a Baby Super Injunction? What’s the difference?
“It’s the levelling up! Many of the owners will be virtually babies.”
What will be concealed?
“Accurate rates of Covid-19 infection and transmission in schools. At least that’s the aim. We will protect the mental health of students and staff by doing our best to make sure no one knows where they caught Covid from.”
But why? That’s playing Russian roulette with people’s health?
“Did you say Russian? There’s no way we’re going to investigate that! Ha! Make the transfer comrade!”
Surely families and staff in schools need a rapid test, trace and isolate system in place to re-open schools? Most accept it’s vital for children to resume their education in as safe a manner as possible. But children don’t live in bubbles. We need to be able to move swiftly to contain outbreaks of the virus and manage risk to all.
“We do. That’s why we will be handing out super injunctions.”
Ah, so no one will know what is really going on and you can baffle them with bullshit?
“Ignorance is bliss! Trust me. I’m from the government.”