MAKE SURE TO SEND A POSTCARD : EFFERVESCENT man child Boris Johnson, and whoever he is allegedly banging this month, are said to be loving the Scottish Highlands during his summer break. What Dylin the dog thinks about it isn’t yet clear. But we’re sure he’s having a blast too.
All work and no play may make Jack a dull boy, but there’s no fear for Boris.
“It’s the palm trees,” a fictional aide travelling with the ageing Lothario told LCD Views, “it’s the way the setting sun is captured by their light. Amazing trees. Like lanterns. The light really dazzles off the waters of the crystal blue tropical seas…I mean. The lochs. Off the lochs. Hopefully he’ll bag himself a salmon while he’s up here. And maybe a stag. No holiday is complete without shooting something. Except a policy problem. Leave those at home! Enjoy a well earned rest at the taxpayer’s expense, or at the expense of some shadowy donor. Yes. He’s definitely on holiday in Scotland. Any suggestions he will fly back over night from the Caribbean for a photoshoot outside Inverness are fake news.”
The confirmation of the touring party’s enjoyment of Nicola Sturgeon’s backyard is welcome, as some unscrupulous ne’er do wells have been suggesting on social media that the Prime Minister has done a runner.
“Oh no, he’s definitely on holiday in Scotland,” the aide reconfirms, “he only does a runner from his offspring, his wives, his mistresses, his daily to-do lists, any detail on anything, anyone he has made a promise to that isn’t going to overly benefit himself, Covid-19 crisis, Brexit negotiations crisis, school grades crisis and the responsibilities of his office.”
Welcome clarification for a troubled nation in difficult times.