CUT THE BLUE WIRE : 10 DOWNING STREET doesn’t stop working just because the Prime Minister does and today it is expected to confirm trials of a new system of government have been successful.
“Uturnocracy was conceived by the same criminal geniuses that ran Vote Leave,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “it essentially allows you to move state assets to private hands, and the relevant cash bonuses, while everyone is agog at the complete and enduring shambles you are making of governance.”
The inspiration for the Uturnocracy is to be found in a more innocent incarnation of the current administration.
“It was George Osborne’s pasty tax that provided the lightbulb moment,” the source explained, “that was just genuine political nonsense, ideology attempting to be pragmatic policy and failing abysmally. But the magic was in how long it distracted the media and public before the inevitable U-turn was made. Genius.”
The key to the new system seems to lie in the area chosen to perform a U-turn.
“That’s where the genius superforecasters come in. Back in old Osborne’s day a pasty could keep the public and media obsessed for weeks. Those were innocent times. The US, Russian oligarch bankrolled libertarian kleptocracy was in its infancy then with Dave ‘the wonder’ Cameron blithely sleepwalking through the corridors of power. These days of course, like a junky on a perpetual decline, we need heavier fuel.”
And the heavier fuel that was chosen this time was the future of millions of school leavers in the middle of a pandemic.
“Sheer genius. Traumatising the masses unnecessarily? All the time waiting for just the right moment to do an about face? That takes nerves of steel. Or complete and total sociopathy. Actually, a bit of both.”
The new system of government will continue now.
“Until the public does a U-turn on us.”