ENTER YOUR SPIN CODE : 10 DOWNING STREET’S famous front door has received a do over this week and everyone is very pleased with the results.
“We’ve replaced it with an ATM machine,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “a mate of Dom’s reconditions them. It was basically a steal.”
But why the famous black door, all stern and statesmanlike, with its dominant 1 0, had to be replaced with an ATM is still a bit of a mystery to us plebs.
“It’s not mysterious at all, if you’re paying attention to the news cycle during Covid. You can draw your own conclusions then.”
We’re a bit slow, why don’t you just tell us?
“Okay. It’s part of our crusade to slash red tape,” the source advised, “currently it’s really convoluted to move taxpayer’s money STOLEN FROM WEALTHY BETTERS back into the pockets of inheritance millionaires. BUT. By installing the ATM as a door at number 10 we can simplify the process and save millions per week. We should be congratulated. This is why we’re in government.”
So the taxpayer will actually be saving money now? Money it can spend on important issues, like pay rises for nurses and social care staff?
“No. OMG. You’re having a laugh! Ha! Why the hell would we want to disincentivise nurses from working for private contractors who supply staff to the NHS at extortionate expense?”
Then who is saving the money?
“Millionaire Tory party donors will, as they no longer need to set up shell companies and pretend they can produce PPE. Work it out. It’s not that difficult.”