A STITCH IN TIME : A DOWNING STREET SOURCE HAS CONFIRMED today controversial plans to wipe clean the slate of British law.
“We want to cut all that red tape,” he said, referring to centuries of common law, and other annoying stuff.
“Ordinary Tory MPs, just going about their potatriotic business pleasing donors and working multiple jobs as consultants, are tripping over unnecessary rules and regulations.”
It’s holding the country back?
“Just so! Not least the bloody modern fad for tyrannically dictating how superior males must act towards subservient females. MPs are dropping like nine pins. It’s not on. Men are born to rule. We all know that.”
So what will you do about it? It sounds a right mess.
“We aim to rapidly transform into a kleptocracy, post Brexit, much like the one big brained genius Dominic witnessed in the former Soviet union. Not that it had any impact on him at all.”
But how the complete erasure of law and order will impact people in their daily lives isn’t completely clear. Our source has some ideas…
“We may keep eviction laws, clearly. You have to protect people’s hard earned investments. Although I would propose a lower limit on the protection. You have to have inherited the rental property portfolio, or you haven’t really earned it. Something like that.”
But won’t that just lead to a regrowth of just the kind of red tape you’re trying to do away with?
“We’ll have to be careful, that’s for certain. But I wouldn’t worry too much. Any new laws we create, after getting rid of all the old bad laws, any new laws will be created by ourselves. We’re sure to benefit. Which is the only reason any of us want to be in government.”