FOX IN THE BLACK BOX: Leaky Liam Fox has his email account hacked. Using world beating cybercrime techniques, the Russian boffins eventually cracked his account by employing the password “password”.
It’s a shock to realise that a man so out of touch with the ordinary people actually uses gmail like the rest of us. It’s traditionally seen as a less secure version of the standard Westminster communication conduit of messenger boys on bicycles, who bear messages engraved upon the finest vellum using goose quill pens.
The hackers discovered a treasure trove of information. Secret plans to destroy the economy. Underhand methods of transferring the NHS into private hands. Billets doux to Adam Werrity.
We all know what happened next. The documents came into the hands of Jeremy Corbyn. This meant that nobody believed that the documents were real, and also that Corbyn could be blamed for the leaks.
“Cyber security has been ramped up considerably since the Russian invasion,” remarked snubbed Intelligence and Security Committee chairman-elect, Chris Grayling. “Every account now has an uncrackable password!”
And what is this amazing new password?
“password1,” replied Grayling smugly. “They’ll never guess that one!”
In the interests of balance, LCD Views spoke to an actual expert from an actual internet safety company.
“It’s traditional to leak this kind of material,” explained the expert, Ethan Ette-Cable. “It’s the most passive aggressive way to reveal secrets without being seen to be doing it. Using an insecure webmail address is the modern equivalent of leaving the documents on a train.”
And how easy is it for the ordinary hacker to crack into gmail?
“Basically any smart eight year old with an internet connection could do it,” said Ette-Cable. “But using ‘password’ as your password is basically bloody stupid, and an open invitation to pop in and have a look.”
It’s like hunting for treasure!
“Yes, it’s very addictive, although usually all you find is communications about someone’s supermarket delivery time,” sneered Ette-Cable. “Occasionally though you find gems like the nuclear codes or Donald Trump’s personal phone number.”
Liam Fox is hoping to lead the WTO. The logical response is WTF?!