DO OVER GIVE OVER : THE UK’S WORLD BEATING HEALTH AND SOCIAL CARE SECRETARY, MATT “THOSE MEN WHO DIED ON THE BEACHES” HANCOCK has announced he’s switching things up a bit.
“This will build on the success of my personal app, Matt the app,” Mr Hancock told LCD Views, “by ramping up and bolting on the success I’ve made with the NHS test and trace app. World beating. Did I say that already? World beating. Look into my eyes. Don’t look anywhere but into my eyes.”
Clearly the decision to rebrand himself as “NHS Matt” will have some detractors, not least because Matt is such a disaster, much like the test and trace app.
“Do you still not get it?” he gave us a pitying look, and moved a little closer, “the whole point of wasting months and millions in public cash pretending to develop a world beating NHS test and trace app was to begin the rebranding of the NHS. It has far too many positive connotations for a complete and final sell off, yet. But a bit more oompf spent on creating new associations and the sell off will meet with general public compliance. Disaster capitalism 101. It really isn’t rocket science, unlike building an app.”
The failure to deliver the NHS app has also helped in the broader work done managing Covid-19 in the UK.
“We really can’t have a working app as it will undermine the entire premise of our approach to Covid-19,” Matt added, “be much harder to achieve our goal of herd immunity with an actual working test and trace app. Just take a moment to think about that?”
We will do! Thanks NHS Matt (the app)!