SUPPORT BUBBLES : The UK’s world beating shagger, the Prime Minister, has further eased the UK’s CV-19 lockdown measures today, after taking personal control.
The easing has added to the smirking of the sniggering classes and their suggestion that each lockdown ease is only predicated on Tory MP lifestyles. Nevertheless the PM is ploughing ahead.
“In what some pent up Tory MPs are calling a long overdue relaxing of a rule that no one with a heart would have brought in anyway, the move to allow affairs to resume has been broadly welcomed within the Tory Party,” our 10 Downing Street source reports, “it should be noted that the scientists have not been consulted. But they’ve outlived their usefulness, PR wise, anyway after they realised they were going to be stitched up for the government’s disaster out CV-19 management.
“But there is some concern the easing doesn’t go far enough,” he continues, “as numerous MPs appear to be conducting numerous affairs.”
But all is not lost, and all is definitely not found, as a keen eye over the regulations reveals some heartening fine print.
“The affairs are to be counted in what is called the Reverse Hancock. This means that frustrated, and overly sexed, MPs can conduct multiple affairs, so long as they’re aren’t on the same day. So theoretically an affair conducted on a Monday still counts as one, even if Tuesday and Wednesday and on, the affairs are with different people. It’s still just one. As the daily total is what counts, not the capacity.”
The UK’s transport tzar is said to be especially pleased, as concerns about masses of frustrated MPs driving to Barnard Castle to test their eyes, after so long in confinement, are now also relaxed.