KEEP YOUR COVID IN A CASTLE : THE GREEK AUTHORITIES HAVE ISSUED A STATEMENT TODAY, IN ADVANCE OF THEIR BAN ON UK TRAVELLERS TO GREECE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON.
“The UK’s acting prime minister, Dominic Cummings, will be aprehended the moment he attempts to enter Greece,” a border force official said soberly, “we are aware that any law restraining his freedom of movement will be seen as a challenge. We are ready to take him into custody and send him back where he came from.”
The motivation appears to be the roaring success Mr Cummings has made of Covid-19 in the UK, which currently tops the world leagues in excess mortality.
But confusion has arisen over where Mr Cummings will come from? Will it be his London elite Islington address, Durham in general, Chillingdon Castle or Barnard Castle?
What is certain is that he will already have an excuse ready for why his travel was necessary, while 65m+ other UK citizens did as they were told, because they were stupid enough to hold the greater public good to heart.
“Remember, he will probably claim something ridiculous like he was only travelling to Greece because he was concerned that the beaches were running out of sand, or something similar,” the official added, “this assertion is not meant to be taken at face value. It’s purpose is to show you that he holds you in contempt and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
It is expected that numerous Tory Party MPs will also need to be swiftly apprehended and returned. In fact, probably the majority of the current cabinet, judging by the catalogue of unpunished breaches which occurred while the UK government pretended to lockdown.
It’s understood Mr Cummings’ wife is already writing the sequel to her famous Covid-19 fantasy. This is also set in London, while the real action will be happening far, far away.