We’ve had enough of experts: once again, this core principle is guiding our government. The scientific community is being told that The Science is wrong, and that they should pay more attention to the political climate than the world climate.
But it’s not just climate change. Politicians are getting twitchy about continuing to pay good public money to deserving people, thanks to scientific advice. They don’t like the advice, so the advice must be wrong. Instead, scientists must adjust their parameters to suit the ideology of their paymasters.
LCD Views was unfortunate enough to speak to this week’s Chief Scientific Adviser, Dr Petra Dysh.
“My advice must fit the science,” confirmed Dr Dysh, sellotaping a covid-19 testing kit together. “Or indeed, the advice should inform the science. It’s the same thing, as everybody knows.”
I’m not sure that follows necessarily. What qualifications do you have?
“I have a PhD!” sneered Dr Dysh. “My doctoral thesis was described by my supervisor as a work of sheer beauty!”
Ok, but, out of interest, what was the thesis about? And who signed it off?
“You dare question a government adviser?!” she said archly. Silence. She waited. We waited longer. Finally, she succumbed to temptation. “My thesis was entitled ‘The deployment of lab coats, spectacles and test tubes to project the impression of impeccable scientific credentials’. Professor Cummings was highly impressed with it!”
We might have known. Classic Dom. The University of Tufton Street. It all makes sense now.
“My job is to provide the correct science!” insisted Dr Dysh. “And if the results don’t agree with the ideology, then clearly there had been a mistake with the science, and further experiments must be conducted until alignment is achieved.”
Sounds like your thesis contained a module on bullshitting as well.
In other words, science should now follow the politics. Causation means correlation, black means white, and the stench of dead cats grows ever stronger.