WHO COULD IT BE NOW : Downing Street has slammed the “amateurish comms” from the WHO today after discovering an email warning about CV-19 in the “junk” folder.
The group email, which was junked due to having EU addresses in the “To:” section carried potentially lifesaving information about Covid-19.
“If they’d bothered to send us a personalised email, as befits our status as a global buccaneering powerhouse, and not some group spam involving lesser countries, perhaps we would have stood a chance,” a Downing Street official told LCD Views, “they basically kept it secret until it was too late.”
Why the WHO decided to include other European country email addresses in the To: section isn’t yet clear.
“It’s a set up,” the aide went on, “I hear they even added Junker’s gmail address just to make sure our email account decided it was spam.”
The phone call from President Xi in January, before Britain legally exited the EU, was also dismissed.
“He rang up to warn us to dial back the China conspiracy rhetoric, not to offer advice on CV-19,” the aide corrected the record, “said we could build our own nuclear power stations if we went along with Trump on the ‘China Flu’ take.”
Why the WHO would choose to discriminate against the UK was obvious to all though.
“Jealousy,” the aide shrugged, “envy. Spite. Covetousness. They see the unbridled potential of Britain, freed of the shackles of EU PPE procurement programmes, and they want to stack the deck. Very transparent.”
But critics of the government have hit back and said “We’ve seen a leaked copy of the email and it was titled ‘Busty Blondes For Boris’. There is zero chance Downing Street junked the email.”
For its part the WHO promised to shout loudly in English next pandemic, and to additionally “Give the UK advice on how to spread the virus, so we can be confident they’ll do the opposite.”
Downing Street is believed not to have noticed that direct comment and tonight Boris Johnson himself will call for a new global body dedicated to disease control. Adding it’s “about time one was set up” and he is happy to lead it so long as “the position comes with a fridge in case things get dicey”.