WATCH YOUR TONE : OVER QUALIFIED HEALTH SECRETARY AND ALL ROUND CAREER POLITICIAN, MATT HANCOCK, AGED 6, was on the receiving end of some pretty bloody savage and unladylike behaviour today in parliament.
From witness accounts newly promoted Labour Shadow Cabinet Minister for Mental Health, Tooting MP, Doctor Rosena Allin-Khan took to Matt ‘tone deaf’ Hancock like “a mad woman that has been allowed to stay up too late, partake of too many enlivening spirits (and other elixirs) and plainly wear too much red clothing”.
The encounter occurred during a socially distanced parliament session when the medical doctor, with extensive experience in the field, dared to ask factual questions of Matt Hancock regarding the Covid-19 furore.
“Who does she think she is?” an aide (working as Matt’s nanny) who changes Matt ‘https://www.independent.co.uk/news/health/nhs-privatisation-donations-matt-hancock-health-secretary-institute-economic-affairs-a8442001.html‘ Hancock’s nappies demanded to know.
“She comes into the men’s bar and shouts for hard liquor? It is just not on. She will be wearing trousers next. Just because a woman has the capacity for 100K words a day, it does not give them an excuse to use them. They aren’t Cororavirus tests.”
Senior Conservatives have been quick to rally to Matt’s defence, pointing out that it was “bloody obvious things would degenerate to this degree once women were taught to read”.
It is believed the committee overseeing MPs conduct is to investigate the shameful public behaviour of the Tooting doctor.
“It’s a clear breach of parliamentary standards. Not only the attempt to hold the government to account over its factual record, something we became unused to during the Che Corbyn years, but a woman addressing a man with such a disrespectful tone? Why, the very pillars of civilisation are at stake. It does not matter how high the unnecessary Covid-19 death toll in the UK is. If women forget their place we are all doomed. Is no one thinking of the children?”
The government is additionally urged to strengthen social distancing rules for women. David Cameron is to be consulted, having extensive experience in the field with wild women.
“Calm down dear,” the aide continued, “Britain’s second best Prime Minister knew how to handle an excited female. They are too emotional for the bear pit of politics. Too blind to reason.”
Boris Johnson is thought to be resisting calls to demand Keir Starmer sack the Tooting MP and “send her packing back to the Covid-19 front line”, as that would mean he would have to directly address Keir Starmer. A move he is determined to delay for as long as possible.
Mr Hancock himself is said to be “attempting to forget the embarrassing display” and spending time remembering his invocation of the WW2 dead to support his bid to be Tory leader.
“Dominic Raab has offered to deputise for little Matty next time,” the aide adds, “that won’t be necessary. We will be strengthening the social distancing rules for women to ‘seen and not heard’. Which was of course the inalienable right of British men before the weaker sex was given the vote.”