OPERATION LAST GASP : Rumours in the political mills this morning that the old Emperor of the post colonial British Empire, plucky Australian/British/American upstart Rupert Murdoch is ready to change his prime minister again.
“All the little Satans are in a frenzy,” our Satanic mill correspondent reports, “pokers are being sharpened and heated, racks are being restrung, and the political gallows are being erected in the shadow of the giant brass toilet.”
The reason for the frenzy appears to be a reaction to a Twitter feed..
“Mrs MacBeth is almost clinically insane these days with thwarted ambition and she let’s her boss Rupert know about it,” our correspondent continues, “Mr Murdoch can’t sleep at the best of times anyway without that ‘mad English fart’ sounding off. And with the fall of democracy in English speaking, Western countries being partially incomplete. Jerry does her best, but he wakes sweating, screaming about “razing farking Liverpool to the ground and car parking the lot of it”. So something has to be done in the service of a good night’s rest.”
And that something appears to be the shock revelation of Prime Minister Johnson’s blithe and disinterested approach to the pre-match stage of U.K. v CV-19.
“Clearly anyone without blinkers on who was paying attention a couple of months back saw immediately that Johnson’s government of entitled bluffers were going to get Covid done just like they got Brexit (not yet done).”
Shame you can’t gaslight a virus.
“Or delay the consequences of your ideologically driven, human viral sacrificing choices over years and years. Long enough for old Odey to fill his boots again and again. Shame. Pity.”
But what does Mr Murdoch himself say of the rumours?
“Oh he only talks through an ouija board,” our correspondent finishes. “and right now the pointer is blazing out ‘I LIKE TO CHANGE MY PRIME MINISTERS LIKE I CHANGE MY UNDIES. YOU WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF IT? WHAT’S I”
The sentence remains unfinished, but Mr Johnson’s sentence appears to have been passed.