FISHY WISHY FULFILMENT PERSONIFIED : Sources inside the Tory bunker report today that James “oh so” Cleverly has the famous countdown clock out again.
The motivation this time is not the timing of the Brexit last supper, but the moment when Tory Jesus Boris “I can’t cough all over you enough” Johnson will complete his narrative arc as the risen saviour.
“Clearly he’s not saving anyone but himself,” the source confides, “which is right and proper for a divine character (actor). The virus may not respect rank, but it doesn’t mean that plebs don’t have to.”
But the all important question is how many days is James “Nominative Determinism is Bunkem” Cleverly setting on the whirling dials of fate this time around?
“It’s not Brexit this time,” the source beams, “as Boris got that done, much like his regime got PPE and testing done. No. This is the count down to when Boris ascends to Tory heaven and leaves everyone wondering did he work magic? Or just a card up his loose, flowing, fashionable, messianic robes trick?”
Well, clearly you can expect consistency of narrative where Boris “father of hidden football team” Johnson is concerned, just not if you’re one of the many mothers of the prime minister’s many offspring.
And where does Tory Jesus go then? After 40 days as the rising dough of the Lord?
“Why to Mustique of course,” the source finishes,” in a fridge.”