‘ERD ImMuNiTY : Local newspaper LCD Views has come under fire today over a story it imagined it ran on the weekend about prominent Tory MPs.
“We didn’t cover the story,” a source inside LCD Views told LCD Views, in a sign that it’s not only government that is bringing the MSM in house to better get its completely non-fabricated message across.
“This whole furore is fake news,” the source continued, “we thought about covering the ball breaking hypocrisy of of Matt “dead on the beaches” Hancock and Nadine “roo testes” Dorries demanding footballers give a wedge to the NHS, but we didn’t. We realised it’s not up to footballers to fund the NHS. It’s up to government. It was a bit of a light bulb moment.”
But how then to explain the calls from the ministers in the department for health that sports stars fund social services directly?
“Both little Matt [Han]Cock and Nadine Dorries have had Coronavirus. Matt visibly coughing and potentially superspreading when he opened the NHS Nightingale the other week, proving the efficacy of U.K. Gov dissing of WHO guidelines over 14 day quarantined for CV-19 positive individuals. What good is 14 days to a virus that relies on people to spread it? Nothing. That’s what. Anyway, perhaps they’re both still delirious.”
But whatever the motivation and expectations behind the fake news of Tory MPs leading by example fiscally, at least the overblown non-story has served a purpose adjacent to deflecting from the government’s failures into footballers.
“At least know we now where the Brexiter’s promise of an additional £350m a week for the NHS is coming from,” our source added, “Rahem Sterling and Wayne Rooney while on furlough.”