INTELLIGENCE MATTERS OR MAYBE NOT : COVID-19 FACED STIFF COMPETITION to hold the front pages today as the news broke that Boris Johnson had appointed Britain’s ‘Einstein’ Chris Grayling to head up the important Intelligence and Security Committee.
“It’s genius,” a Downing Street source, who normally looks after the 10 Downing Street rescue dog, commented, “Boris is desperate to give John Crace someone else to focus on. Grayling heading up the Intelligence committee? Wow! Talk about irony overload. The sketch writers will now completely ignore Johnson and his goings on. Classic Dom, as someone once said.”
The appointment also solves another tricky problem for Downing Street.
“The old boys must be looked after in the club, even the complete and utter idiots. Grayling excelled at taking money from the public coffers and putting them, by way of policy bungling, into private pockets. He has earned every bit of this new appointment.”
It will presumably make not releasing the Intelligence Report on Russian Interference into UK Democracy a breeze.
“Wait until he tries to photocopy that explosive tome and puts it in the microwave instead! No long grass needed. Boom! Up in smoke. Genius.”
Although there are some worrying signs early on with the switch from Grieve (overqualified and just irritating) to Grayling (perfection).
“Okay. There’s an early problem, but we’re sure by spending a few billion of the taxpayers’ hard earned coin we can sort it out and keep all customers happy.”
What problem could Grayling possibly have created? And this early on?
“He’s only gone and offered a free Intelligence Report on Russian Interference with every family size pizza ordered between now and December.”