GEOGRAPHY IS NO BOUNDARY TO SOVEREIGNTY : THE GOVERNMENT has announced it is to spend an estimated £700m per week, backdated to the 23rd June 2016, to fully recover British sovereignty.
“It was a bloody shock I tell you,” a source inside Downing Street told LCD Views, “when we walked into the office of Prime Minister Johnson and found him missing, we knew he was on a mini-break. So then we had to find out where he was, that took the better part of the day, before finally we got into a taxi to the large country estate where he was sleeping it off. It was early evening before he got up for a patriotic breakfast. It was after that we were able to present our findings to him, and the obvious ramifications were clear.”
The shock appears to be the discovery that the British Isles are subject to an “unacceptable impingement on our God given sovereignty of geography” by being located on the tectonic plate of Eurasia.
“It was like an atom bomb had gone off. Once Mr Johnson and his handler Cummings, and his handler’s handler, a chap called Elliot, realised the full extent to which the devious, so called scientists in Brussels had taken control of our very physical geography and stuck us all smack bang in EU-r-ASIA. Jesus. People didn’t sign up to that when they voted to join the EEC! I don’t mind telling you we almost saw Trident in action. Thankfully cooler heads prevailed. Essentially, because the room is bugged, we got a phone call from Russia with a plan.”
The cooler heads know how to react to this unacceptable sacrifice of British sovereignty, at the hands of European geographers.
“We’re still using Trident to sort this out. Later in the week the old subs will be ordered to target their missiles in a line starting up in the North Sea and running all the way down the Channel, passed France and beyond. Then they’ll swing towards the Atlantic, taking the Channel Islands with us, underneath and out past Ireland (see how they like that!), before turning back up again and going east to complete the cut out. The explosions will free us once and for all from the shackles of the EU’s tyrannical, geographical rule. Once the waves have calmed down it will be a simple matter of attaching ropes to the edge of the new mini-continent and by use of tug boats we’ll be off into the Atlantic and free to trade with the world. Any earthquakes or tsunami’s will be the fault of Brussels. An expensive public information campaign will make that obvious.”
And what will the new continent be called?
“Why Little Englandia of course. What else?”