THIS TIME IT’S PERSONAL : 10 Drowning Street’s spokesmen are in a chipper and can do mood this afternoon, batting away moaning minnies carping on about Boris Johnson’s failure to react to the national flood emergency.
“It wasn’t an emergency before,” Mr Incell (recently recruited from the 1930’s) asserted, “because neither Mr Johnson nor his chums were overtly affected. But now it’s personal.”
And personal it is clearly is, with reports that the persistent and heavy rain has flooded the cellars at Chevening House, where Mr Johnson is enjoying a well earned break from responsibility by chasing about a young filly with a switch.
“It’s not cricket,” Mr Incell continued, “if it wasn’t for the minimum rainfall levels forced upon the UK by the EU this would not be happening. At least once we’re free of the shackles of Brussels we will save money on flood defences by not needing any.”
But why has COBRA finally been convened today, when the flood emergency has been ongoing for over a week?
“Well the cellars at Chevening House only flooded this morning,” Mr Incell added, soberly, “no access to the crates of Chateau Bojolais 1868 gifted to Mr Johnson by a secretive donor? If you don’t call that an emergency then I don’t know what is.”