Did the earth move for you, darling? Well it should have done. It’s not for lack of effort.
Britain became Great by splitting things up. The British Empire, the European Union, the atom, Charles and Di. But now true blue Brits believe Britain isn’t given the credit due for a literally earth-shattering split.
A recent survey by Britain’s most patriotic newspaper, the Daily Jingo, revealed that 52% of Brits think that Britain isn’t given enough credit for breaking up the supercontinent Pangaea.
“People have short memories,” remarked ancient historian Dinah Saw. “It was only 175 million years ago, for crying out loud. If you can remember two world wars that happened before you were born, there’s no excuse for forgetting about Pangaea!”
Fair point well made.
Saw also traces the origin of British exceptionalism to this split. “The British Isles grabbed the best bits of the continents we now know as Europe, Africa and North America,” she explained. “Then they kicked the other continents away, and decided that their future lay in geographical isolation. The shrinking gene pool led to the rise of inbreeding, and the chinless wonders we see today!”
That wasn’t the end of the matter, though.
“We never really got away from Europe,” complained Saw. “Remoaners aren’t a new phenomenon. They even managed to make Britain rejoin the continent once! And what did we get out of it? I’ll tell you what, glaciers and woolly mammoths and sabre toothed tigers, that’s what. We should have stayed on the mid-Atlantic ridge as originally planned!”
Saw’s argument is convincing. Global forces gave rise to Global Britain, and treacherous geographers have assigned the cause to plate tectonics, not gin and tonics.
The furious Daily Jingo is already running a campaign to DEMAND official recognition for Britain’s forgotten triumph.
Credit where credit is due. Britain demands credit. Preferably unlimited and non-repayable.