HE WHO PAYS THE PIPER : The last ever UK Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, gave the game away in a speech earlier today on his vision for a future relationship with the EU, and how he will negotiate it.
In a speech made underneath a painting of the sort of divine intervention he’ll require to make any of his endless bullshit fly, he let keen observers into how he sees the future of the British economy.
“It’ll be cyclical,” our economic analyst reports, with a shrug, “but then it always is. Basically he’ll keep running down the clock on negotiations with Brussels on a bi-annual cycle. The looming dread of No Deal will see Remainers, and even some Leave voters eventually, go out and stockpile. This will give the UK economy a shot in the arm and economic forecasts will remain reliably upbeat.”
The only flaw in the plan appears to be if the EU actually call his bluff and force him to choose between a rational arrangement that recognises the geographical realities, and intermingled relationship between the UK and EU, or finally the catastrophe that No Deal would be.
“That’ll still be fine. The mass amount of stockpiling which would occur in the event of the EU doing so will easily carry the UK through to the 2025 GE on toilet paper sales alone.”
Whether or not any of Mr Johnson, and his Brexit travellers, bluff and bluster will finally be called now that the UK has left the EU remains to be seen.
“Getting the transition period was a good bit of blackmail by the UK government,” our analyst acknowledges, “tantric Brexit remains the policy. But really between the Brexit sheets everyone is getting shafted. It just remains to be seen who will be left holding the baby when the reality hits home. And if Johnson does finally end up with no deal, whether by accident or design, at least UKGov won’t have been stockpiling body bags for nothing. Win win.”