Brown paper packages tied up with strings attached? Naturally. Nobody wants their Sovereignty to come undone so soon after getting it back.
The private delivery companies tasked with delivering the Sovereignty are taking extra care with the precious packages. Normally they do almost half as good a job as the old Royal Mail, for only just over twice the price. This time they have pinky promised not to chuck the packages in the bin or dump them in a layby.
Every household should receive a big box on Monday morning. What will receiving your Sovereignty feel like? Our No Expense Spent reporter spoke to Sovereignty expert Gottar Cuntribach.
“It will give you a nice warm glow,” claimed Cuntribach. What, the sovereignty? “No, stepping back inside your nice warm house.”
What will happen when excited householders actually open their boxes? Will Rule Britannia play?
“To be honest, nobody really knows,” said Cuntribach with refreshing honesty. “Nobody has ever seen Sovereignty, except the one and only true Son, who is Nigel Farage. It is rumoured that if you did see it, you would die on the spot. But that’s not what this is all about!”
Which begs the question, what is all this really all about?
“Taking back control of our feudalism,” replied Cuntribach. “If it’s good enough for Saint George, it’s good enough for the rest of us.”
Saint George, that well known foreigner who never even set foot in the country…
“Details, details!” replied Cuntribach. “Tonight we’re going to party like it’s 1399!”
The British people have, with the slenderest justification possible, exchanged their place at the top table for Mr Burns’ Mystery Box. The public, well, 52% of them anyway, are agog with anticipation.
Will it contain unicorns, blue passports, fish and chips in newspaper, sunlit uplands, and a plethora of celebratory 50 pence pieces? Or are we all suffering from empty box syndrome? We’ll have to wait and see!