QUICK WHILE THEY’RE NOT LOOKING : NICOLA STURGEON became the first President of the newly created Republic of Scotland on Sunday and got away with it.
“She’s expected to have adopted the Euro and achieved continued EU membership for Scotland by the end of the day,” our Brussels’ insider said, “and we suspect even have completed the border wall, with EU funding, between Scotland and England, and begun accepting English ‘remain’ refugees before any English MPs pull their heads out of their backsides long enough to see what’s been going on.”
The timing of the declaration is believed to be down to Ms Sturgeon’s political nous.
“Get why the getting is good, as they say, well not in Scotland, across the pond I think,” our correspondent continues, “Andrew Marr has booked Meghan Markle’s dad for interviews until the autumn. Radio 4’s Today programme is now to split its time between Nicholas Witchell attempting to fit a GPS ankle bracelet to Harry and lobbying for the return of Page 3 girls on the radio. So no one is going to pay any attention at all to what Scotland is up to.”
Wales is also understood to be ready to universally declare independence from Westminster, and is expected to be joined by NI, The Falklands and Gibraltar when they do.
We did seek comment from Downing Street on the surprising development, but received only a brief note in reply, “As long as no one is talking about the Intelligence Report into Russian Interference in the EU Referendum we don’t care. Best of luck to them. Let’s hear what Meghan Markle’s estranged dad has to say about the Windsors all day, every day. A complicit press carries the day!”