‘ELLO ‘ELLO WHAT HAFE WE ‘ERE : GREAT NEWS FOR PATRIOTS today with the confirmation from Scotland Yard that a banana has been arrested for treason.
Details of the case are still being peeled back, but it appears the swift action by Downing Street’s new enforcement agency, Taskforce Europe, has prevented a bruising encounter.
“The suspect was apprehended shortly before 5am this mushing,” a spokesmen for Taskforce Europe, Inspector Curvature, told a bunch of reporters – handpicked for the briefing by the vibrancy of their colour.
“It’s believed the banana in question had been attempting to insinuate itself into a display of proper British fruit in an inner London Co-op store, now famous for upholding the will of the people by only selling British ice cubes.”
But the fifth columnist saboteur was out of luck.
“The banana had been under surveillance since arriving from Calais late last night, having concealed itself in a shipment of bananas with the proper, traditional, British curvature.”
But while the swift action of the Peelers prevented an infiltration by a banana set on undermining the referendum, the public are asked to remain vigilant.
“A giveaway was not only the perverted bent of the suspect, almost straight and not much bowed at all, a clear sign of the hand of Brussels, but also the lack of any Union Jack sticker, or any other patriotic marking on this dodgy fruit. We do not need to remind the public that failure to wear, or have tattooed across your face, a Union Jack at all times is a criminal offence in Brexitannia.”
The Prime Minister is expected to release a short statement on the case shortly, which is expected to be : “Bad luck Brussels! Try again another time.”