DOPE EL BANG ER : A 10 Downing Street source has confirmed today that bored prime minister Boris Johnson has employed a lookalike.
“They will play the part of being Boris Johnson, joke prime minister for Little Ingerland, just until the next general election campaign,” the Downing Street source confirmed, in a statement as reliable as any lately.
The reasoning behind the surprising move on the part of the eternal boy king is believed to not be out of any concern for Mr Johnsonov’s personal security.
“He’s well tight with international kleptocratic clique currently running the majority of English speaking democracies, you dig?” the source elaborated, “he just can’t be arsed to do the job. Having to cut short his poontang session in Mustique was a serious drag man. Hey, do you think my boxers should be showing more or less above my trousers? Yo? Don’t tune me out daddy. I’m a hard source. I’m the man who runs the man.”
We left the Downing Street source to it at that point.
LCD Views would like to congratulate the prime minister for the original thinking behind the move.
“It will keep the creative industries thriving even after Brexit,” a Brexit specialist commented, in between grating their nose with a cheese grater, “we don’t think the lookalike needs to look that like Mr Johnson. They just need a smattering of misunderstood classical references and a smirk. Oh, and be able to use their arms in a distracting way at times of crisis. Any minor talent can play the role. Good luck to them.”
But Mr Johnson will return when it’s time to campaign in another general election. Be it this year, next or actually when the UK is a complete bin fire of neoliberal, greed is good crap in 2024. Should this administration of chancers stagger that far.
After all, when it comes time for Boris to just be Boris, only the original idiot will do.