A knight to remember? Flip-flopping Brexit numpty Nigel Farage, disappointed that his name is not on the leaked honours list, has added his details in the hope that an honour will follow.
“My name should be right up there!” coughed an irate Farage through a cloud of fag smoke. “After all, Brexit was my idea, my big plan, and would have been an outstanding success if only I had been appointed to take charge of the process!”
It’s unfortunate that Nige never managed to get elected to parliament, or he might have had a chance to influence matters.
“I would have been an independent consultant, free from political influence,” he added. “I’m the People’s Politician, you should see the crowds that flock to see me wherever I go!”
So should you, Nige. Your Great Gammon Army must number at least fifty, and that’s when Wetherspoons isn’t open.
“I’m the great Brexit crusader!” he claimed. “I’m making Britain great again, all on my own, with very little help from American money or dodgy Russian businessmen!”
We ask remember your Great Brexit crusade, Nige. The scantily attended one where you gave up after a mile or two.
“So I’m adding my name and address to the list,” he concluded. “So The People can come round mine to protest on my behalf while I’m away sunning myself in the Caribbean. Like Brexit, it’s as good as done!”
LCD Views naturally wanted to speak to his supporters, so we went round his house to test the mood of his fans.
“We’ve been here since 3am!” said one protestor proudly. “Haven’t we, Derek?” she said to the other.
“Yes, we always look forward to the sales, don’t we, Barbara?” Derek replied.
“No, we want that Nigel Farage chap to get a knighthood, that’s why we are here,” Barbara retorted.
“Bollocks to that, I’m off to Spoons, you coming?”
“All right then,” she said, and the entire protest trudged away sadly.
We can only surmise that Nigel’s knighthood got lost in the post.