PMINO : It’s hard work lying your way into power. It’s even harder work lying your way into increased power.
“He needs some time off to recharge,” an aide to Boris ‘Field Marshall Wetherspoons’ Johnson told LCD Views, “he needs to lie down for a bit. Recharge. Wait for the news cycle to give him new things to lie about. He’s not really interested in running the UK anyway. That’s why Short Cummings chose him. Now Boris can swan about on an RAF jet with whosever his girlfriend is on any given day and let Dom remake the UK in his own image.”
But it won’t all be lie ins and games of hide ‘n seek.
“He will need to spend some time crank calling David Cameron of course. Then there’s the Queen to embarrass. Backers to pay back. Not to mention remodelling Downing Street as a torture garden and learning to hum the Benny Hill theme tune by heart. It won’t be all dodging arrest and no pay.”
There are also rumours of Mr Johnson taking up golf and remodelling his hair on Trumpesque lines.
“It’s a good thing he has sod all interest in the details of actual governance or the billionaires who have funded the think tanks may wonder what they’ve been paying for all these years.”
Indeed. When you want a front man, that’s all you want.
“Still, once the data is in and the micro targeting underway for the next round of mass manipulation there will be plenty for Boris ‘bread and circuses’ Johnson to do. Distract the plebs while we steal the rest of their gold and silver. Sort of a zero hours premiership with a few heavy days now and then.”
But while the man who is now prime minister may not be up to much, Global Britons can rest assured someone is watching their every move and guiding them accordingly.
No one would have believed that in the early years of the 21st century our world was being watched keenly and closely by minds immeasurably crueller than our own.
“Boris will be okay though,” the aide shrugged, “so long as there is a rock to hide under or a fridge to hide in when the going gets rough.”
We’d suggest the Johnson family Christmas dinner would be a heated and interesting event, but presumably the World King is going to hide from his brother and sister too.
Brexit Britain. Who runs it when the man who is supposed to spends his time far away? And just why does everyone think the next GE is five years away? You can con your way into power, but once there, you’ve no time to rest.