ARISE SIR FROGFACE : The rumour mill is mongering this morning with word from Downing Street that famous potatriot Nigel Farage is to be knighted in this year’s Dishonours List.
“He’s been due one since the famous ‘Breaking Point’ poster mirrored fascist propaganda produced by a famous anti-immigration government,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “you remember the poster? Refugees? Who needs them. Arms sales and oil greed are what we need. Not the result of them. If you’re having trouble remembering the poster, he released it on the day Jo Cox was murdered. Something he described as unfortunate timing. To knight him really tells the world all it needs to know about Brexit Britain.”
That’s if it needs telling.
The gong will be future proofed too.
“He’s going to be knighted just as a knight of England. This way his ‘Sir’ will outlast the breakdown of the United Kingdom. Well, at least until the breaking apart of England itself, as the major cities secede and join the European Union.”
Quite what the Queen thinks about having to wield a sword slowly about Farage’s neck is not clear.
“She can always step down. Boris Johnson is going to legislate that Stanley Johnson is next in line to the throne anyway. He won’t mind the bad taste, just look at what he says on daytime television.”
If the rumours do become fact it may perhaps cause a ripple among existing knights.
“It’s a symbolic title anyway. So what if knighted Farage leads to a devaluation of the honours system? It makes it more accessible. Once we have finished our work remodelling Britain, I mean England, you’ll be able to buy a second hand peerage on the free market with a Brexit 50p.”
If they do knight frogface it will have one useful side affect, apart from making decent Britons too embarrassed to travel abroad with their blue passports.
When the country recovers its sanity and decency it can signal it by stripping Farage of his title.