BULL(SHIT) MARKET : The newly elected Conservative MP for Giving-a-Kare, Mrs Marry Grates, has been revealed as the UK’s first food bank millionaire.
Mrs Grates wouldn’t comment over the rumour (none of this is confirmed, it’s all speculation) that she is the first person to become a millionaire by developing an app charging charities to find food, so we had to make up the comments for her, just as we have imagined her.
“It’s a virtuous circle,” she told LCD Views, “the food bank sector is booming. If left wing types weren’t so bloody busy wringing their hands together all the time, they’d see the money to be made. The Conservative government brings in laws which fuel the growth of the food banking sector, I run a business on the back of that demand, and now I’m in the government too. I wonder what my motivation for decreasing the demand for food bank apps will now be?”
Which is a good question. Because we do not know Mrs Grates’ motivations, it could be that she is actually driven to alleviate suffering. Has seen it first hand and learned more about it through the development of her app, and will now push famous humanitarian, Boris Johnson, to reverse the policies that have fuelled the demand? Happily putting herself out of business for the common good.
“You’ll have to wait and see,” Mrs Grates shrugged imaginatively and smiled, “I may move out of the food bank sector and into the next bull market to come in the United Kingdom. Organ sales. After all, those rising rents in an intentionally malfunctioning, landlord heavy housing market, aren’t going to pay themselves in the supercharging of the gig economy.”