YOU AND WHOSE ARMY : OUTGOING TORYKIP PRIME MINISTER BORIS ‘the milkman’ de Spaffle JOHNSON has issued a tough challenge to all opposition leaders this morning, as the first GE campaign of 2019 enters the final day.
“My dad could beat up your dad,” Alexander declared, shivering somewhat from hiding in a fridge, yellow on his back and blue in his face, “any time any day. Your dad is a chicken. Bruck! Bruck! Something classical allusion latin.”
The declaration will come as a shock to the other leaders. Especially as the moment he made it little Boris ran away again.
“They think they’re campaigning against a bullish man in his 50’s,” our campaign analyst commented, “but that’s where they’re wrong. They are actually running against a man child so emotionally stunted he never developed to the point of stunting in the first place. An entitled brat with a psychology to fit. It’s perfectly reasonable to expect him to act the bully, but to hide from risk and wait for dad. And to think our political system is current at a point where he can feasibly go on to continue as prime minister? What does that say about the contract between political parties and the electorate? Neither appear to have been taking their responsibilities seriously for a long time.”
And whether or not the other party leaders will take the bait and attempt to organise a dust up behind dads, behind the Westminster bike sheds, is not yet clear.
“It’s likely most will ignore the jibes, as they’re grown ups, and just keep on campaigning.”
But while the declaration from Little Bojo may never actually be tested, it’s very utterance, added to the stunt with the JCB yesterday, suggests that the UK would be better served giving Boris Johnson a set of Tonka trucks to play with tomorrow and then kindly tell him to piss off.