Following Russia’s shock four year ban from international sports by the World Anti-Doping Agency, the International Olympic Committee have taken further steps to prevent Russian cheats prospering in international events.
They have reclassified voting as a sport.
“It’s simple,” spokesman Will Wynn-Fairley explained. “We hear all the time about Russia meddling in other countries’ elections, so now they’ve been banned from international sports, we might as well count voting as a sport to prevent them from cheating in that.”
If so then it would be a great stride forward for democracy.
Russian president Vladimir Putin was unavailable for comment.
The ban would not extend to their own national elections, which would carry on as normal. Or as normal as their democratic process can be called.
Donald Trump was also unavailable for comment, although sources close to the White House reported a very loud wailing and screaming coming from the Oval Office.
We were able to get an interview with Boris Johnson however, who said:
“It’s disgraceful, if the Russians can’t interfere in our elections, the people might not vote in our – er, their, yes, definitely their, best interests. It’s like someone telling Zeus that he’s not allowed to father children with mortals, you just can’t do it, think of how different Greek mythology would be then.”
I couldn’t help but think his choice of example was very revealing of his own passions.
The Russian sporting ban has not yet come into effect, nor will it in time for this current election. However, when it does, we will all be able to breathe a little easier. If the Tories haven’t privatised oxygen by then in an effort to kill the poor by asphyxiation.