GET DEMOCRACY DONE : The power is in the hands of the people this month as UK voters go to the polls for the third time in five years as the fixed term parliament act continues to blaze like a bin on fire.
“You need to be careful to mention that the power is not just in the hands of the people,” a Downing Street source interrupted, helpfully, “it’s also in the hands of foreign kleptocrats and tax-dodging billionaire media moguls. Oh, and clearly in the hands of social media megaliths who are currently unaccountable to anyone. This is democracy!”
And the key question in this national act of democracy will be, have the UK voters had enough of Stockholm syndrome? Or are they now well beyond any thoughts of escaping the hole in the basement floor? Do they now cry, “Right now!” when the figure looms over shouting about putting lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again?
“It’s hard to say,” our head political analyst comments, in between wondering if its time to stockpile toilet paper again, “Labour are determined that everyone will love Jeremy Corbyn as much as the people who love Jeremy Corbyn love Jeremy Corbyn. Even though, it’s patently obvious that Keir Starmer with this GE manifesto would smash it out of the park,
“The Tories are determined that no one cares much about anything anymore. Society is dead. And Boris “the lying shambles shagger” Johnson is the headstone on the grave,
“Do we want to get the shovels and dig society back up and see if there’s a pulse? We better bloody hope there’s enough ressurectionists out there or the future of the UK looks very grim,
“And the Libdems? Well, no one is quite sure who whispered in Jo Swinson’s ear that being the boring party, with an appeal to sanity that the massive swing vote turns to in times of desperation with the big old duopoly, is for the birds? Let’s go for winner takes all!
“So that’s just confused the electorate too. And they better hope that enough look at the manifesto by December 12th,
“Basically, everyone is just confused, worrying if there’s enough idiots in the electorate to vote for a Con slogan and take their chances with Priti Patel and Matt Hancock sequencing their genomes and locking the gates,
“Oh, and a lot are thinking can we just make Sturgeon and Lucas joint rulers for the next five years and see what they make of it? It’s a right old mess. But there is a way out. And I’ve already mentioned it. It’s the shovels.”
And what’s on the shovels?
“They have VOTE TACTICALLY FOR WHOEVER CAN UNSEAT A TORY.”
Dig for Britain it is again then? And you can do it with your vote.