A PICTURE DOESN’T LIE : The BBC has responded to the latest furore regarding its efforts to get outgoing Tory PM Boris Johnson re-elected with another entirely credible explanation.
“It’s the best excuse we could come up with, given the time constraints imposed upon us by social media and all those busybodies who insist on double checking our completely honest output,” Head of News Tailoring, Mr K Remlin, told LCD Views, “we couldn’t get the actual footage of Mr Johnsonov back from the film developers in time, so we used archive footage of someone he totally looks like.”
Mr K Remlin went on to say that using footage of little known historical statesman, Winston Churchill “in no way altered the perception of [the complete shower of bumbling farkery that is] Mr Johnson. If anything it detracted negatively, given that Mr Johnson is able to combine stretching exercises with speeches in a way that other guy never dreamed of.”
Whether or not the explanation will satisfy the critics is not yet clear. Suspicions have been mounting lately over the BBC’s presumed impartiality. And these are on top of the concern raised by news anchors shouting “but the people have decided!” for years now at anyone threatening to undermine the will of Vladimir Putin.
“This run of editorial mishaps is perfectly understandable,” Mr K Remlin continued, “you try getting Boris Johnson re-elected! You’re not going to do it without a few errors in the editing suite, let me tell you.”
It’s not entirely clear if the BBC’s reputation can sustain many more of these incidents, but this shouldn’t worry anyone, as news is now just entertainment.
“Tomorrow we will be running a feature documentary showing how Boris Johnson reached the summit of Mount Everest before that Sherpa guy. It’s all true too. Just lie back and enjoy the ride.”
And remember, the first casualty of war is truth, and the second appears to be the credibility of publicly funded broadcasting. But only if you lie back and allow it.