There have been many great scientific discoveries throughout history, from penicillin to the internal combustion engine. But the latest announcement from the scientific world is set to potentially outdo the lot.
A team of geologists are looking to drill down through the earth to find a depth to which the Conservative party won’t stoop.
This comes hot on the heels of the Tories’ rebranding their press office on twitter as “Fact Check UK” for the duration of the leaders debate last night, and the number of adverts used to make positive references to themselves without appearing to.
The team will be led by Professor Luke Foritt, who made this announcement:
“There are accusations that the Tory party will stoop to any depth, so we’re going to drill right down to see where those murky fingerprints reach to. If the accusations are true, we’ll find evidence of their dodgy dealings even down as far as the earth’s core.”
The team are not wasting any time. They have hired the best drills in the business, and the actual drilling is set to commence on Monday just as soon as the equipment is in position, and will continue without interruption until either they find a depth devoid of Tory contact or until, as suspected, they reach the earth’s core.
The move has been met with the predictable levels of scorn from the Tories, especially Jacob Rees-Mogg, who said:
“Well of course there will be Conservative fingerprints at the earth’s core, and all over the whole planet. After all, the world was created in seven days by a direct ancestor of mine by the name of God, and I come from an unbroken line of Con-servatives.”
Well he comes from a long line of something beginning with C, that’s for sure.
We at LCD Views with Professor Foritt and his team the best of luck.