SYMPATHY FOR THE CONNED IS EASIER SOME DAYS THAN OTHERS : Results of a long running search of the UK to identify the 317 most gullible people were announced last night by lead researcher, Nigel Farage.
The research was conducted personally by Nigel’s limited company, BXP, and funded entirely by the research subjects themselves.
“When I started my study many laughed and said I wouldn’t be able to find my targets,” Mr Farage told assembled lobotomy patients, gathered for a press briefing, “but let me tell you I never doubted I would succeed for a moment. Not after I was able to convince dozens of muppets last year to pay £50 to walk without me on a public footpath. I was determined to build on that return.”
And build Mr Farage did, merely by setting up a limited company masquerading as a legitimate political party. Once the doors of the unelected, unaccountable one man show opened the money just flowed in.
But critics of the research have pointed out that there is no credible reason for Mr Farage to claim 317 is the ceiling for the most gullible people in the UK.
“There’s still a couple of hundred people in the research group that was studied,” a data scientist we just invented commented, “they think Farage won’t find some arbitrary reason to throw them out of his little rowboat of spiv, just like the 317 who paid to stand for election out of their own pockets? I mean, to even stand still after what was done to their colleagues shows a questionable moral position, alongside a depthless gullibility.”
And that wasn’t all the criticism of the study.
A second data scientist invented now too says that in spite of Mr Farage’s claims that the search is concluded, it’s not.
“Anyone paying attention realised the falling out between Johnson and Farage was scripted weeks back, so too the reconciliation and the fleecing of the 317. Now that Boris and Nigel are in bed together they hope to discover there’s millions of gullible idiots in the UK. Enough even to grant them both unaccountable power.”
Which is the way they both like it. It’s up to all of us to deny it to them.