WHAT DO WE DO WITH THE DRUNKEN SAILOR : Outgoing British-American Prime Minister Boris “Russian name” Johnsonov has announced he is on the wagon for the GE campaign.
“He’s given up drinking booze for the general election campaign, maybe even until after he’s failed to deliver Brexit,” a Downing Street ‘Sauced’ told LCD Views over a plate of fava beans and a nice chianti, “I mean, clearly he’ll still be injecting speed directly into his eyeballs. Doctors orders. One has to cope with Carrie’s demands to repaint the 10 Downing Street hallways somehow. It’s not all fun and games bedding down with an ambitious young woman in nesting mode you know. Still, needs must.”
Whether or not Mr Johnson is able to stick to his alcohol abstinence remains to be seen. Also whether or not he’s telling the truth about taking the pledge to begin with.
“Let’s not get confused though,” the Sauced went on, “he’s not doing the twelve steps. His life expectancy isn’t long enough to get passed the bothersome phase of phoning up people you’ve wronged to ask for forgiveness. No one’s is. Christ, the conversation with Arlene Foster alone would take a month. And he’ll still be intoxicated with large measures of disingenuousness. Rampantly shagging with his uncontrollable lust on full throttle. Verifiably avaricious and so on. It’ll still be Boris being Boris, wine or not.”
Presumably though if he gives up the plonk he runs a lower risk of making a complete tit of himself?
“Well, quite. Although between you and me it really doesn’t matter how much Moet or claret he’s smashed away. You still can’t tell if he’s too lazy to learn details or too thick to understand what he’s signed up to with the old WAB. Sobriety doesn’t make any difference on that score. I hardly know why he’s bothering? What’s in a bottle of wine that he could possibly be scared of?
Maybe because ‘In vino veritas’?