WHERE DEMOCRACY STRUGGLES TO SURVIVE : GREAT NEWS for fans of reality television with the announcement from Trump Towers Istanbul that global megasuperstar, President Donald Trump, is to host a one off reality TV series to see out 2019.
‘UK General Election 2019’ will be broadcast on all major channels, but definitely not on any loser channels, as the UK’s politicians struggle to make it through to the final round and be crowned winner.
Each week’s show will be themed with such old time favourites such as ‘Foreign Influence – Who’s Pocket Is Your Government In?’, ‘Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics’, ‘NHS – Deal or No Deal?’, ‘Brexiter v Lexiter’ and everyone’s favourite, ‘Who is Boris boofing this week?’.
Competitors will be eliminated through the five week contest, with only one standing to be crowned PM in the series finale on December 12th. This will save the country the agonising wait which the outdated tradition of counting individual citizen’s ballots involves.
“The show will also have exciting subplots,” our Entertainment Specialist reveals, “How long will Nigel and Boris fight before kissing and making up? Special Advisor Face Off – Who is the most like Machiavelli? Seumas or Dom? How many seats can Labour and the Lib Dems hand to the Tories with their endless handbagging of one another? And other exciting storylines that will be improvised throughout the weeks as the reaction to the previous week’s show is digested by the producers.”
There’s a variety of possibilities for the final show too, when the winner is crowned by Donnie.
“If Boris becomes PM again, with a majority sufficient to pass his WAB into law, then that’s it for UK parliamentary democracy, as anyone who’s familiar with even the vaguest details of this ‘Henry VIII powers’ act can tell you.”
But maybe younger voters, those wildcards, and the stubborn refusal of the smaller parties to lie down in a ditch and die, will see the crown withheld as tactical voting and local electoral pacts may just be sufficient to see the UK’s next parliament hung even more heavily than the last.
“If that happens they’ll be displaying a picture of a bull’s testes and the show will be commissioned for a second series,” our specialist says, “although Donnie won’t be hosting that one, as he will be well into filming his personal biopic, ‘Impeachment’.”
UK GE 2019 – Democracy is not what it seems. Especially not when 10 Downing Street is suppressing the release of a report on foreign interference in UK elections on the eve of an election…