THICK AS THIEVES : Nigel Farage has set the pigeon amongst the cats today by threatening to withdraw the Brexit Party whip from outgoing Brexit prime minister Boris Johnson.
The move is part of an escalation strategy as Mr Farage bids to retain his lucrative MEP’s seat in the European Union’s parliament.
Mr Farage hit out at Mr Johnson during the Brexit Party book burning, held this afternoon on a College Green, Westminster, to launch the BXP’s GE campaign.
The campaign will run under the slogan “No Book Left Unburned” and will attempt to torch a library’s worth of printed material in all 650 UK constituencies by the end of campaigning on December 11th.
Mr Johnson had been expected to feature heavily, as Mr Farage’s drawcard, with plans in place to have him personally pick up a flamethrower and torch any material that analysed far right politics and the events of the first half of 20th century European politics.
But speaking at the launch today, with a rolled up copy of Playboy in his back pocket, and a gasoline soaked Shakespeare manuscript at his feet, Mr Farage warned Mr Johnson that his patience was wearing thin.
“If Boris doesn’t immediately drop any pretence to sanity, in the eyes of the truly credulous, and commit to crashing out of the European Union the moment the election is over, then he can not stay a paid up subscriber of my limit company,” Mr Farage bellowed, much like a bullfrog in heat, “if he doesn’t drive away enough support from the Conservatives I risk losing my seat on the outrage gravy train. I won’t stand for it!”
Additionally Mr Farage threatened to personally stand in each constituency to properly split the Brexit vote, in the hope of eliminating the risk to his career campaigning for Brexit.
It’s not sure how Mr Johnson will respond to being threatened so publicly by Mr Farage, or what their shadowy offshore backers will make of the spat.
“As long as the exchange rates keep fluctuating neither will be sanctioned,” our political editor surmised, “and they’ll soon make up. Trump needs to purchase the NHS before he’s impeached out of office, so I expect both men will be getting a call and told to work together. There’s books to burn after all, and they can do it as a pair by just holding the leaves to their smouldering pants.”