A TRICKLE THAT BECAME A DRIP : The Brexit Riots Organising Committee, or BROC, is scheduled to meet later today to decide on a new date to begin rioting, just as soon as they can agree on what time to meet today.
“Some members of the committee want to meet before lunch, some think they should have the discussion over lunch, but others think it’ll go better with a big lunch of gammon tucked away first,” a source inside BROC told LCD Views, “I personally think we shouldn’t be having a meeting at all, and should just start randomly shouting at strangers until it all kicks off.”
But the failure of riots to begin last night, after the UK failed to Brexit once again, has not dampened BROC’s certainty that the rioting will happen next time.
“Bloody French tricked us,” the source continues, “they knew that by scheduling the latest non-Brexit for Halloween we’d all be too busy trick or treating to form up and charge on Westminster with burning sticks. They won’t be so lucky on the 1st February, if that’s the date we decide for the next riots. You mark my words.
“Although of course that’s just more underhandedness from the dastardly EU. They know another winter in austerity Britain will diminish our ranks. But I’ve a plan to recruit younger rioters. You just wait until they hear we can’t control our own boarders and those gates and uniformed people they see at airports are just a mirage beamed over from Brussels with a ray gun!”
BROC of course isn’t without its internal critics. There is even rumour of dissent within the committee over the need to schedule the riots to begin with. Surely people should just turn up and riot? They’re supposed to be spontaneous.
“I don’t hold to that,” the source said, “everything about Brexit is a cynical and calculated manipulation of the electorate. Why should the Brexit riots happen any differently? They’ll definitely kick off on the next scheduled date when people aren’t suddenly faced with international pariah status. You just wait.”